Archive | April 2012

No Fly Zone 2… Retired Air Force Pilot

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Blog #2…. Again

Folks, Ms Pooz GOOFED!  Last week found me tinkering ‘behind the scenes’ of this blog, trying to learn about adding new features, buttons and whatnot, when I accidentally DELETED ALL previous blog posts.  Yea, I know.  UGH.  All previous awesome blog posts gone.   Just like that.   Poof.   (sigh)   For those fortunate enough to have read my masterpieces, lucky you!  You have the upper hand on what this blog is about.  For those of you new to Ms Pooz’ Baggage, you’re SOL, sorry.  Those were some good reads!   Heck, even I was impressed.   But take heed fellow bloggers, learn from Ms Pooz…back up, back up, back up ALL YOUR WORK.  Amen.

Anyway, I goofed and there it is.  So on to my online dating site saga and why the Retired Air Force pilot’s wings were revoked.

When I received a  message from the Internet Dating Site saying I had an interested gentleman caller, I was thrilled!!  Clicking on the message opened up a profile picture of THE MOST HANDSOME MAN ever!  EVERRRRR.  WOWSA WOWSA WOWSA!!!  WHAT A LOOKER!!!  Love me a man with a chiseled jaw and boy did this guy have one.    (fanning self)  Reading his profile revealed he was a retired Air Force pilot.  A Fly Boy… does it get any better???  And a handsome one to boot.  I felt the vapors coming on…

The interesting thing about this retired Fly Boy was, he had a striking resemblance to Virgil or Scott Tracy, one of the pilot puppets from that old 60’s kid show, ”Thunderbirds’.  As a very young girl, Ms Pooz LOVED that show because she had the most horrible crush on one of those black haired puppets.  I’m pretty sure it was Scott Tracy…  but puppet love it was!!  I know it sounds silly to have a crush on a puppet but that’s nothing because Ms Pooz also had a crush on Speed Racer.   Why did they have to draw him so cute??   Out of curiosity, anyone else have a crush on a ‘non’ person?  Speed Racer seems to be the winner amongst women my age.  Face it, he was adorable.  One friend had a crush on Speed’s brother, Racer X.  Not me, too old looking for my 6yr old self, but what do you expect, my friend is gay.  I know they like ’em buff, which Speed wasn’t.

But I digress.

So staring back at me in the profile pic was my childhood love, puppet man incarnate!  Oh how I melted.   This got me thinking…could Thunderbird’s puppet makers have used my retired AF pilot as a model?   I mean, Fly boy would have been a young pilot back when the show was being… oh never mind, back to my story.

I read Old Fly Boy’s profile and he couldn’t get any better if he tried.  World traveler, widower, has his own successful business…Mr Perfect.  The best part, he wrote a nice long letter expressing his attraction to moi.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I tend to gravitate towards men that have a flair for the written word.  To me, it shows the level of their intelligence.    Now, I’m nobody’s fool because I also know that nice long letters from gorgeous men does not always equate to a nice man.    I’ve got a story about one of those men coming down the pike so stay tuned.

Correspondence began immediately between  retired AF Fly Boy and I.   By golly, no time would be wasted on getting to know this stud.  All systems GO!   We went back and forth for a couple days exchanging emails, getting to know each other’s likes, dislikes and so forth.  My how this man could write!!   His emails waxed poetic with his desire for me!  My knees got weak just reading his messages.   He knew all the right words to say to melt Ms Pooz’ bitter, dark heart.   He expressed how he had signed up a while ago but wasn’t compelled to write to anyone until he saw my beautiful profile picture, and not a team of horses could keep him away because he KNEW I was THE  ONE.   Aaaahhhh, what women doesn’t want to hear that???  Again with the thinking, was it possible that God showed me, as a child, who my future husband would be via Thunderbirds, but through some freaky cosmic mishap, our paths would not be able to cross until his wife died and the internet was invented??  Oh it’s possible, stranger things have happened I say.

About day 4, Mr Perfect blew it.  See if you can spot his downfall.

“My beautiful, exquisite, lovely one, I have set your profile picture as my screensaver on my desktop and laptop so I can gaze upon you as I work.  What a beautiful smile you have.  I like to run my finger along the curvature of your face as I gaze into your azure eyes.  You are the one.  I want you.”

Ugh.  COLOSSAL FAIL.    For those not able to guess his unforgivable mistake, here is my official internet dating site profile pic.  Nothing glamorous, just plain ole, simple me.  Spot the error.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, let me help you.  Azure eyes I DON’T HAVE.    Definition: Azure  is a blue color on the HSV color wheel at 210 degrees. Azure  is the hue that is halfway between blue and cyan. Its complementary color is orange.  Azure  is a near synonym for the color blue. Commonly it refers to a bright blue, resembling the sky on a bright, clear day.

Azure eyes.  Yea.  Azure eyes.   Anyone with a halfway observant eye can see by my skin tone and hair color, or by even LOOKING AT MY EYES, that I don’t have AZURE EYES.  If the fool had actually put my picture as his screen saver, as his email suggested,  he would have known that I have ‘HONEY COLORED ALMOND’ eyes (my fancy way of gussying up common brown eyes).  Don’t hate.   Us Brown Eyed Girls gotta do what we gotta do or say what we gotta say to glorify the most common eye color on the planet.

But back to our Fly Boy… easy mistake you say?  Maybe, but this particular dating site had a button  for a lovely feature they called, ‘My Profound Quotes’.   You could save anything ‘profound’ you might have penned from one message to be used at a later date in a new message, thereby saving you the hassle of having to think up something new for each person you write to.   I suspect retired AF Fly Boy dug into his pile of profound quotes and pulled out that gem.  The only problem was, he didn’t proof read it before hitting send.  This would also suggest that I wasn’t the FIRST woman he contacted because he clearly used that line on someone else… with blue eyes.  Mr Perfect was now not so perfect after all.  He was a liar, devious and color blind.  Bad combo right there.

I had to reply to this one.  My message was short and to the point, “Thank you for your interest, but unless your desktop or laptop is so powerful as to show the development of cataracts on my profile pic, my eyes will forever be brown.”

There! I told him!

 

Well, another one bites the dust.   No worries though, many more where he came from sooooo… the search continues.

Until next week…

Ms Pooz

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